315 Funny Toasts for Every Occasion (to Make Everyone Laugh)

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We have prepared for you a huge collection of toasts divided into several categories: unique, creative, clever, inspirational, positive, happy, and more…

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Best Funny Toasts

  1. Here’s to that long straight piece in Tetris.
  2. To the holidays—all 365 of them.
  3. The first draught a man drinks is for thirst, The second for nourishment, The third for pleasure and the fourth for madness.
  4. May the winds of fortune sail you, may you sail a gentle sea, may it always be the other guy who says: “This drink’s on me.”
  5. Here’s to Dame Fortune; may she smile upon you. May you never meet her daughter, Miss Fortune.
  6. Here's to the bride and here's to the groom and to the bride's father who'll pay for this room.
  7. Here’s to those who wish us well, All the rest can go to hell.
  8. May your coffee and slanders against you be ever alike – without grounds.
  9. Here’s to the nights we’ll never remember with our friends, we’ll never forget.
  10. Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. Heartbreak makes you wiser. And vodka makes you not remember any of that cr*p.
  11. Here’s to staying positive and testing negative!
  12. Here’s to it, and from it, and to it again, and if you don’t do it when you get to it, you may never get to it to do it again!
  13. Who loves not women, wine, and song, he will be a fool his whole life long.
  14. Drink to life and the passing show and the eyes of the prettiest girl you know.
  15. To your very good health. May you live to be as old as your jokes.
  16. Better to be a well-known drunkard than an anonymous alcoholic.
  17. Another day, another bender. No retreat, no surrender.
  18. I drank to your health in company, I drank to your health alone, I drank to your health so many times, I nearly ruined my own.
  19. Here’s to a long life and a merry one, A quick ending and a happy one, A good girl and a pretty one, A cold bottle and another one.
  20. May we all have the chance to prove that money can’t make us happy.
  21. Here's to a long life and a happy one. A quick death and an easy one. A good girl and an honest one, a cold pint and another one.
  22. He who goes to bed and goes to bed mellow, Lives as he ought to, And leaves an honest fellow.
  23. May we live to learn well and learn to live well.
  24. Here’s to being naughty and saving Santa a trip.
  25. The past is always tense, the future perfect.
  26. Here’s to you. You may not be as wise as an owl, but you’re always a hoot!
  27. May our children be blessed with rich parents!
  28. Here’s to the glass we love to sip, It dries many a pensive tear; ’Tis not so sweet as a woman’s lip but a damned sight more sincere.
  29. As Bill and Ted once said: ‘Be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes.'
  30. May we be who our dogs think we are.
Best Funny Toasts

Unique Funny Toasts

  1. To the kisses we’ve snatched, and vice versa.
  2. May we be who our dogs think we are.
  3. Life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life. So let’s get wasted all of the time, and have the time of our life.
  4. When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So let’s all get drunk and go to heaven.
  5. To your genitalia: May they never fail ya, or jail ya.
  6. Here’s to lobster tail and beer. Three of my favorite things
  7. To the three rings of marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.
  8. Here’s to those who wish us well, all the rest can go to hell.
  9. May our penises always be harder than our lives.
  10. Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy.
  11. Cheers to beers and legs behind your ears.
  12. A rich man lives in a castle, a poor man lives by the sea. But a whiskey glass and a fat girl’s ass are home sweet home to me.
  13. If the ocean was beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and drink myself up. But the ocean’s not beer and I’m not a duck, so let’s drink these pints and get messed up.
  14. Of all my favorite things to do, The utmost is to have a brew. My love grows for my foamy friend, With each thirst-quenching elbow bend. Beer’s so frothy, smooth and cold; It’s paradise, pure liquid gold. Yes, beer means many things to me. That’s all for now, I gotta pee.
  15. Here’s to swimmin’ with bowlegged women.
  16. Here’s to the heat. Not the heat that brings down barns and shanties, but the heat that brings down bras and panties.
  17. I would rather be with the people in this room than with the finest people I know.
  18. To the new couple: Never sweat the petty things, but always pet the sweaty things.
  19. Take everything in moderation — including moderation.
  20. Here’s to the big bull in the woods. He does the cows and heifers good. If it weren’t for his long, long rod, Then what would we do for beef, by God?
  21. To my schizophrenic friend. He's a good person.
  22. To hell: May the stay there be as fun as the way there.
  23. I want to thank you all for coming, especially my parents, [when you were conceived] years ago.
  24. Better to be a well-known drunkard than an anonymous alcoholic.
  25. The liver is evil and must be punished.
  26. Here’s to women. So fine and divine, they bleed every month, and bear every nine. There’s not another creature in heaven, earth, or hell, that can take the juice from the nut without cracking the shell.
  27. Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. Heartbreak makes you wiser. And vodka makes you not remember any of that crap.
  28. Here’s to the women who love me terribly. May they soon improve.
  29. May all your ups and downs be between the sheets.
  30. Here’s to the women, with little pink shoes; who steal all our money and drink all our booze; now, she’s not a virgin but that’s not a sin, cause she’s still got the box that the cherry came in.
Unique Funny Toasts

Creative Funny Toasts

  1. A rich man lives in a castle, a poor man lives by the sea. But a whiskey glass and a fat girl’s ass are home, sweet home to me.
  2. Here’s to stealing, cheating and lying: may you steal someone’s heart, cheat death, and lie with your love.
  3. May our sons have rich fathers and beautiful mothers!
  4. May the luck of the Irish Lead to happiest heights And the highway you travel Be lined with green lights. Wherever you go and whatever you do, May the luck of the Irish be there with you.
  5. I drank to your health in company. I drank to your health alone. I drank to your health so many times I nearly ruined my own.
  6. The test of Gold is Fire The test of Truth is Time The test of God’s love are the heavens above and everything sublime. Treasures in life are many, dreams realized but few. But I know the test of God’s goodness is when he gave me a friend like you.
  7. May the saddest day of your future be no worse than the happiest day of your past.
  8. May you die in bed at 95 years, Shot by a jealous wife.
  9. Here’s to the land of the shamrock so green, Here’s to each lad and his darlin'Colleen, Here’s to the ones we love dearest and most. May God bless old Ireland, that’s this Irishman’s toast.
  10. Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.
  11. Champagne costs too much, Whiskey’s too rough, Vodka puts big mouths in gear. This little refrain Should help to explain Why it’s better to order a beer.
  12. May the winds of fortune sail you, May you sail a gentle sea. May it always be the other guy who says, ‘this drink’s on me.’
  13. Always remember to forget the things that made you sad. But never forget to remember the things that made you glad.
  14. Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. Heartbreak makes you wiser. And vodka makes you not remember any of that crap.
  15. To those that wish us well; the rest can go to hell.
  16. A toast to bread, without bread there would be no toast.
  17. Here’s to a long life and a happy one, a quick death and an easy one, a good man and an honest one, a cold pint… and another one.
  18. Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy.
  19. May the lilt of Irish laughter lighten every load. May the mist of Irish magic shorten every road. And may all your friends remember all the favors you are owed.
  20. Here’s to the nights we’ll never remember with the friends we’ll never forget.
  21. I used to know a clever toast. But now I cannot think about it. So fill your glass with anything. And damn your souls, I’ll drink it.
  22. May we be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows we’re dead.
  23. Better to be a well-known drunkard than an anonymous alcoholic.
  24. To those who have seen us at our best and seen us at our worst and can’t tell the difference.
  25. Here’s to women! Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands.
  26. May we get what we want, what we need, and never what we deserve.
  27. When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let’s all get drunk, and go to heaven!
  28. Here’s to the woman who wears the red shoes. She steals all your money and drinks all your booze. She’s lost her cherry but it doesn’t mean a thing, ’cause she’s still got the box that the cherry came in.
  29. Here’s to the women who love me terribly, May they soon improve.
  30. May we all have the chance to prove that money can’t make us happy.
Creative Funny Toasts

Inspirational Funny Toasts

  1. For last year's words belong to last year's language, and next year's words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a beginning.
  2. Don't live the same year 75 times and call it a life.
  3. I would rather be with the people in this room than with the finest people I know.
  4. Here’s to champagne for our real friends, and real pain to our sham friends.
  5. Out with the old, in with the new, cheers to the future, and all that we do.
  6. With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come.
  7. May all your troubles during the coming year be as short as your New Year's resolutions.
  8. Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man.
  9. Here's to those who've seen us at our best and seen us at our worst and can't tell the difference.
  10. May your troubles be less and your blessings be more, and nothing but happiness come through your door.
  11. Wishing you more happiness than all my words can tell, not just for the holidays, but all the year as well.
  12. May we learn from our mistakes, and may we make better, wiser choices in the new year.
  13. Never underestimate the power you have to take your life in a new direction.
  14. Here's to doing and drinking, not sitting and thinking.
  15. To all that we lost and all that we gained in the past year, and to all that's to come in the days ahead…cheers!
  16. The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
  17. An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
  18. In the New Year, may your right hand always be stretched out in friendship, but never in want.
  19. No matter how hard the past, you can always begin again.
  20. May the best of your past be the worst of your future.
  21. You can get excited about the future. The past won't mind.
  22. Here's to the year past and friends who have left us. Here's to the present and the friends who are here. Here's to the New Year and the new friends who will join us.
  23. A New Year’s toast to love and laughter and happily ever after.
  24. Here’s a toast to the future, a toast to the past, and a toast to our friends, far and near.
  25. Some ships are wooden ships, but those ships may sink. The best ships are friendships, and to those ships, we drink.
  26. Don't think there are no second chances. Life always offers you a second chance… It's called tomorrow.
  27. May you always have love in your hearts and champagne in your belly.
  28. Get excited about the future. The past won’t mind.
  29. May the road rise to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face, and the rains fall soft upon your fields. And until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of his hand.
  30. Here's to a bright New Year and a fond farewell to the old; Here's to the things that are yet to come and to the memories that we hold.
Inspirational Funny Toasts

Clever Funny Toasts

  1. May you live for as long as you want, and never want for as long as you live!
  2. To hell: May the stay there be as fun as the way there.
  3. As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction.
  4. May we kiss who we please, And please who we kiss.
  5. Here's to the year ahead—our brightest one yet!
  6. May the very best of your past being the very worst of your future.
  7. Here’s to staying positive and testing negative.
  8. May you have the hindsight to know where you've been, The foresight to know where you're going, And the insight to know when you have gone too far.
  9. o being single, seeing double, and sleeping triple.
  10. May we always be grateful for the past, find joy in the present, and remain excited for the future.
  11. May the hinges of our friendship never grow rusty.
  12. To those who have seen us at our best and seen us at our worst and can't tell the difference.
  13. May the saddest day of your future be no worse than the happiest day of your past.
  14. One bottle for four of us, Thank God there's no more of us!
  15. Wishing you more happiness than all my words can tell—not just for tonight, but all the year as well.
  16. Strike hands with me. The glass is brim. The dew is on the heather. And love is good, and life is long, and friends are best together.
  17. Here's to love, laughter, and a happily ever after.
  18. Here’s to good friends, Never above you, Never below you, Always beside you.
  19. My heart is as full as my glass when I drink to you, old friend!
  20. Tomorrow is the first page of a new book. Choose your words wisely.
  21. If I should stumble out of this bar, I pray this night is worth the scar!
  22. May your beautiful lips never blister!
  23. Out with the old, in with the new, cheers to the future, and all that we do.
  24. May you live as long as you like, And have all you like as long as you live.
  25. To keep a marriage brimming with love in the loving cup, when you are wrong admit it, and when you are right, shut up!
  26. May neighbors respect you, Trouble neglect you, The angels protect you, And heaven accept you.
  27. My friends are the best friends Loyal, willing, and able. Now let’s get to drinking! All glasses off the table!
  28. Here's to you and here's to me, Friends may we always be! But, if by chance we disagree, Up yours! Here's to me!
  29. May we live to learn well, and learn to live well.
  30. May your troubles be less, and your blessings be more, and nothing but happiness come through your door.
Clever Funny Toasts

Happy Funny Toasts

  1. May you work like you don’t need the money, love like you’ve never been hurt, dance like nobody’s watching, and drink like a true Irishman.
  2. May poverty always be a day’s march away.
  3. Here’s that we may eat the hen that scratches on our grave.
  4. Here’s to whiskey, scotch, or rye, amber, smooth, and clear; it’s not as sweet as a woman’s lips, but a damn sight more sincere!
  5. Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.
  6. May the roof above us never fall in, and may we as friends never fall out.
  7. Here's to you and here's to me, I hope we never disagree, But if, perchance, we ever do, Then here's to me, and to hell with you.
  8. May misfortune follow you the rest of your life, And never catch up.
  9. May life last as long as it is worth wearing.
  10. Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.
  11. May all of your ups and downs be only in the bedroom.
  12. May we be in heaven half an hour before the Devil knows we’re dead!
  13. Here’s to the floor, who will hold you when no one else will.
  14. May the skin of your bum never cover a drum.
  15. Wise, kind, gentle, generous, sexy… but enough about me. Here’s to you!
  16. God in goodness sent us grapes to cheer both great and small. Little fools drink too much, and great fools not at all!
  17. Here’s to those who have seen us at our best and seen at our worst and can’t tell the difference.
  18. Here’s to the women who have used and abused us. May they never stop.
  19. The past is history, the future is a mystery, but today is a gift because it’s the present.
  20. Another year has passed, and you’re no older than the last!
  21. I'll drink to the Girls who do! I'll drink to the Girls who don't! But…I won't drink to Girls Who say they will and won't!
  22. Here’s to friends and family who know us well but love us just the same!
  23. May you both live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live.
  24. Here’s to lesbians, because they have good taste.
  25. Here’s to a night on the town, new faces all around, taking the time to finally unwind, tonight it’s about to go down!
  26. Here’s to alcohol, the rose-colored glasses of life.
  27. To those who have seen us at our best and at our worst, and still can’t tell the difference.
  28. Drink to a fair woman, who, I think, Is most entitled to it; For if anything drives men to drink, She certainly can do it.
  29. Here’s looking at you, although heaven knows it takes all of my efforts.
  30. Here’s to you. You may not be as wise as an owl, but you’re always a hoot!
Happy Funny Toasts

Positive Funny Toasts

  1. Here's to champagne for our real friends, and a real pain to our sham friends.
  2. Here's to those who have seen us at our worst and still showed up here anyway.
  3. When climbing the hill of prosperity, may we never meet a friend coming down!
  4. Here is to love that never grows old, and if it does, let’s hope by that time we’re too old to leave each other and start new marriages.
  5. To the fall of the Roman Empire, may ours be just as memorable.
  6. To another twirl around the sun!
  7. Here’s to Dame Fortune; may she smile upon you. May you never meet her daughter, Miss Fortune.
  8. To Hell. May the stay there be as enjoyable as the way there.
  9. Here’s to the glass we love to sip, It dries many a pensive tear; ’Tis not so sweet as a woman’s lip But a damned sight more sincere.
  10. To alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.
  11. Life’s a waste of time and time’s a waste of life, so let’s get wasted all the time and have the time of our lives.
  12. May your beautiful lips never blister!
  13. To our health: May we all live to be as old as my jokes.
  14. May the face of every good news And the back of every bad news Be towards us.
  15. Happy birthday to you for years to come. We’ll explore them together for a life filled with love, joy, and fun. Happy birthday, darling!
  16. May all your ups and downs be under the covers!
  17. May the best of your past be the worse of your future.
  18. To us, for this is the youngest we’ll ever be and the oldest we’ve been.
  19. Here's to milk, eggs, bread, and cinnamon.
  20. May our sons have rich fathers and beautiful mothers.
  21. Here’s to the brilliant, warm, handsome… a company that you keep.
  22. May you live to be a hundred years old with one extra year to repent.
  23. May the road rise to meet you, May the wind be always at your back, And until we meet again, May God hold you in the hollow of his hand.
  24. A toast to all the champagne we'll drink tonight, and all the coffee we'll drink tomorrow.
  25. God in goodness sent us grapes to cheer both great and small. Little fools drink too much, and great fools not at all!
  26. I never know whether to pity or congratulate a man on coming to his senses.
  27. I drank to your health in the company, I drank to your health alone, I drank to your health so many times, I nearly ruined my own.
  28. May the bloom of the face Never extend to the nose.
  29. Drink to life and the passing show And the eyes of the prettiest girl you know.
  30. May your liquor be cold, may your women be hot. And may your troubles slide off of you slicker than snot.
Positive Funny Toasts

Weird Funny Toasts

  1. Let’s have a toast to the incompetence of our enemies.
  2. Here’s hoping you live forever. And mine is the last voice you hear.
  3. If the ocean was beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and drink myself up. But the ocean’s not beer and I’m not a duck, so let’s drink these pints and get messed up.
  4. Next to a circus, there ain’t nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.
  5. Here’s to being naughty and saving Santa a trip.
  6. To the kisses we’ve snatched and vice versa!
  7. To high winds and mermaids!
  8. Here’s to it, And to it again. When you get to it, and can’t do it; Come see me, because I’m used to it!
  9. Here’s to doing and drinking, Not sitting and thinking.
  10. May we get to Heaven, a full half-hour before the devil knows yer dead.
  11. Better to be a well-known drunkard than an anonymous alcoholic.
  12. Cheers to poor decisions.
  13. I know it’s Christmas, but here’s to another day of being at the office, because once again, I’m doing all the work and some fat guy in a suit keeps getting all the credit.
  14. May the winds of fortune sail you, may you sail a gentle sea, may it always be the other guy who says: “This drink’s on me.”
  15. Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
  16. When the liquor is inside, The pain goes elsewhere.
  17. May your heart be light and happy. May your smile be big and wide. And may your pockets always have a coin or two inside.
  18. Here’s to a long life and a happy one, a quick death and an easy one, a good man and an honest one, a cold pint… and another one.
  19. To work — the easiest device man has invented to escape boredom.
  20. Who loves not women, wine, and song, He will be a fool his whole life long.
  21. Life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life. So let’s get wasted all of the time and have the time of our life.
  22. Over the teeth, over the gums, Look out, stomach, here it comes!
  23. He who goes to bed and goes to bed mellow, Lives as he ought to, And leaves an honest fellow.
  24. To bread, without bread, there’d be no toast.
  25. A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
  26. May we never go to hell but always be on our way.
  27. Here’s to your liver! May it live as long as you last.
  28. Here’s to our wives and girlfriends… may they never meet!
  29. To every lovable girl in the land, I offer this little libation. For if ever they all left the country at once, We’d be left in a state of stagnation.
  30. You’re a gentleman and a scholar and a good judge of bad liquor.
Weird Funny Toasts

Cool Funny Toasts

  1. By all means, marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
  2. Here’s to the brilliant, warm, handsome… company that you keep.
  3. I take my wife everywhere I go. She always finds her way back.
  4. May you live each day like your last, and live each night like your first.
  5. It is better to spend money like there’s no tomorrow Then to spend tonight like there’s no money.
  6. May we never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
  7. May your coffee and slanders against you be ever alike–without grounds.
  8. Here’s to the man who is wisest and best Here’s to the man who with judgment is the best, And, here’s to the man who’s as smart as can be — I drink to the man who agrees with me!
  9. To our best friends, who know the most about us, but refuse to believe it.
  10. Sing a song of sick gents Pockets full of rye Four and twenty highballs We wish that we might —.
  11. I used to know a clever toast But now I cannot think of it. So fill your glass with anything And damn your souls, I’ll drink it!
  12. Let us have wine and women Mirth and laughter Sermons and soda-water The day after.
  13. Here’s to those who’ve seen us at our best and seen us at our worst and can’t tell the difference.
  14. To the two secrets to a long-lasting happy marriage: Here’s to a good sense of humor and a short memory!
  15. We know it is true that we’re wicked, That our criminal laws are lax; But here’s to punishment for the man Who invented the income tax.
  16. Let us drink with impunity Or anyone else who’s buying.
  17. To your very good health. May you live to be as old as your jokes.
  18. Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
  19. Here’s to a man after my own heart. And after my house and my wife.
  20. May our children be blessed with rich parents!
  21. Love is blind – marriage is the eye-opener.
  22. Here’s to doing and drinking, Not sitting and thinking.
  23. Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
  24. Before we raise our glasses to the happy couple, I’d like to make a toast to wives and lovers everywhere – may they never, ever cross paths!
  25. To the rapturous, wild, and ineffable pleasure Of drinking at somebody else’s expense.
  26. Here’s to It, And to It again. When you get to It, and can’t do It; Come see me, because I’m used to It!
  27. Wise, kind, gentle, generous, sexy… but enough about me. Here’s to you.
  28. Here’s to you. You may not be as wise as an owl, but you’re always a hoot.
  29. A good marriage is one where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal. That’s unfortunate for these two!
  30. May our sons have rich fathers and beautiful mothers.
Cool Funny Toasts

Short and Simple Funny Toasts

  1. Congratulations, buddy! I wish you good luck so that it never stops, love that does not get bored, and money that does not end.
  2. Work like you don’t need the money. Love like you’ve never been hurt. Dance like nobody’s watching.
  3. Live long and prosper.
  4. May this be the least happy day of your life.
  5. To all that gives you pleasure.
  6. Friendship: May differences of opinion cement it!
  7. To another twirl around the sun!
  8. To friends: as long as we are able.
  9. To my schizophrenic friend. He's a good person.
  10. Here’s to the only day I will ever be a morning person, December 25th.
  11. To your very good health. May you live to be as old as your jokes.
  12. To absent friends.
  13. May you live all the days of your life.
  14. May your beautiful lips never blister!
  15. Bottoms up!
  16. Friends forever.
  17. Nothing but the best for our hostess. That's why she has us as friends.
  18. Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy.
  19. To high winds and mermaids!
  20. May all your ups and downs be under the covers!
  21. Here’s to alcohol, which often makes one see double and feel single.
  22. May you live as long as you like!
  23. Another year has passed, and you’re no older than the last!
  24. The past is history, the future is a mystery, but today is a gift because it’s the present.
  25. Success to temperance!
  26. To those who have seen us at our best and at our worst, and still can’t tell the difference.
  27. Here's to a man after my own heart. And after my house and my wife
  28. Cheers.
  29. Life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life. So let’s get wasted all of the time and have the time of our life.
  30. Here’s hoping you live forever. And mine is the last voice you hear.
Short and Simple Funny Toasts

Long Funny Toasts

  1. It is best to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.
  2. Here’s to the floor, who will hold you when no one else will. May we get what we want, but never what we deserve.
  3. Here’s a toast to the most wonderful person I have ever met. Your energy and vibrancy touch anyone who crosses your path. Everyone in this room here today is better for knowing you, and we are truly thankful for you being a part of our lives. Happy birthday!
  4. May the winds of fortune sail you, May you sail a gentle sea, may it always be the other guy who says: “This drink’s on me.”
  5. To every lovable girl in the land, I offer this little libation. For if ever they all left the country at once, We’d be left in a state of stagnation.
  6. Here’s to the girls who do And here’s to the girls who don’t And here’s to the girls who say they never will, But when the time comes, won’t. But here’s to the girls most of all, Who says they never will: “I can’t. I won’t, I shan’t, I don’t! …but just for you, I will.”
  7. Here’s to wine, wit, and wisdom. Wine enough to sharpen wit, wit enough to give zest to wine, wisdom enough to “shut down” at the right time.
  8. Here’s to the man who takes the pledge Who keeps his word and does not hedge Who won’t give up and won’t give in Till the last man’s out and there’s no more gin.
  9. May the luck of the Irish Lead to happiest heights And the highway you travel Be lined with green lights. Where you go and whatever you do, may the luck of the Irish be there with you.
  10. Here’s to a long life and a merry one, A quick ending and a happy one, A good girl and a pretty one, A cold bottle and another one.
  11. Here’s to health and prosperity, to you and all your posterity. And them that doesn’t drink with sincerity, that they may be damned for all eternity!
  12. Here’s to steak when you’re hungry Whiskey when you’re dry A lover when you need one And Heaven when you —.
  13. True friendship means loving each other for who we really are. Lucky for me, you make it easy since you are so lovable. Stay true to yourself forever!
  14. I drank to your health in company. I drank to your health alone. And, I drank to your health so many times… I nearly ruined my own.
  15. Happy birthday to you for years to come. We’ll explore them together for a life filled with love, joy, and fun. Happy birthday, darling!
  16. Another year has been added to your life. As you look back at the recent pages of your life, take comfort and pride in your achievements. Today, take time to relax and enjoy your day because you deserve it!
  17. Here’s to the land of the shamrock so green, And here’s to each lad and his darlin'Colleen, Here’s to the ones we love dearest and most. May God bless old Ireland, that’s this Irishman’s toast.
  18. Here’s to whiskey, scotch, or rye, amber, smooth, and clear; it’s not as sweet as a woman’s lips, but a damn sight more sincere!
  19. Let us have a toast to one of the best men I have enjoyed getting to know. This may be another year to add to his age, but he is only getting better with the years, like a fine drink. Happy Birthday.
  20. Here’s to health, peace, and prosperity – may the flower of love never be nipped by the frost of disappointment, nor the shadow of grief fall among a member of this circle!
  21. May you work like you don’t need the money, love like you’ve never been hurt, dance like nobody’s watching, and drink like a true Irishman.
  22. May the lilt of Irish laughter lighten every load. May the mist of Irish magic shorten every road. And may all your friends remember all the favors you are owed.
  23. There are good ships, and there are wood ships, the ships that sail the sea. But the best ships are friendships, and may they always be!
  24. May the lilt of Irish laughter lighten every load, shorten every road. And may all your friends remember all the favors you are owed.
  25. If the ocean was beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and drink myself up. But the ocean’s not beer, and I’m not a duck, so let’s drink these pints and get messed up.
  26. Let us toast to animal pleasures, to escapism, to rain on the roof and instant coffee, to unemployment insurance and library cards, to absinthe and good-hearted landlords, to music and warm bodies and contraceptives… and to the “good life,” whatever it is and wherever it happens to be.
  27. Remembering good St. Patrick, who by strategy and stealth, Drove all the snakes from Ireland. Here’s toasting to your health. But not too many toastings, lest you lose yourself, and then forget about good Patrick and see all those snakes again.
  28. To prosperity! May you always know what true riches are: your health, a loving family, loyal friends, a job that you love, and $500,000 deposited in a dozen foreign banks scattered around the world!
  29. To this fine person standing before me. On your birthday, I wish you nothing but the best in your future endeavors and want you to know that we all are proud of you and love you dearly. As one of the most brilliant minds once said, “Stay hungry. Stay foolish”.
  30. May you have the hindsight to know where you’ve been, the foresight to know where you’re going, and the insight to know when you have gone too far.

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