155 Best Cow Puns and Jokes that are Simply Legen-dairy!

This is a legen-dairy collection of the best Cow Puns and Cow Jokes to amooose you! Enjoy your favorite cowmedians or jump straight to the specific “cow word”.

Obsah / Table of Contents

Best Cow Puns and Cow Jokes

What did the cow say to all her friends?
I am legen-dairy.
How do farmers count their cows?
They use a cowculator.
What do you get when a cow jumps in a trampoline?
Milkshake.
A cows favorite type of math is cowculus.
Where did the bull lose all his money?
At the cow-sino.
Why did the farmer stop telling cow puns?
Because he butchered every joke.
Why was the cow afraid?
He was a cow-herd.
What do you call a funny cow?
A cowmedian.
Cow telling her family history:
“My grandfather was a knight. He was Sir Loin.”
I was going to tell you a joke about cows.
But I bet you have herd it.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What did the mother cow say to the baby cow?
It’s pasture bedtime.
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.

Cow puns #bulls

What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bull-dozer.
Why don’t most cows lie?
They can smell bull.
Why was the farmer mad at his cow?
The excuse she gave was a bunch of bull.
Why were the two bulls ignoring each other?
They had a lot of beef.
Animal News Network had to fire its bovine news anchorman
Because it was unrelia-bull.
Why don’t bulls play archery?
They might hit a bulls-eye.
What did the bull say to his son when he was going off to school?
BISON!!!

Cow puns #udder

What did the cow say to the other cow on the hill?
I’m udder-neath you.
Why don’t cows understand what you say?
Because it goes in one ear and comes out the udder!
What did the farmer say when his cow wouldn’t produce milk?
This is udderly problematic!
What does a farmer talk about when she’s milking a cow?
Udder nonsense.
What did the Auntie cow say to her niece?
You’re so udderly cute!
Why did the chicken walk under the cow?
To get to the udder side.
How did the cow get to Mars?
It flew through udder space.
“I totally udderstand.”
Why does a milking stool only have three legs?
Because the cow has the udder.
Why do cows lie down in the rain?
To keep each udder dry.
Did you hear about the cow who tried to jump over a barbed wire fence?
It was an udder disaster.
All the farmers cows stopped producing milk…
It was a case of real udder chaos.
What do you call a short cow in tall grass?
Udderly tickled.
What do you call a cow who’s forgotten how to make milk?
Udder-ly confused.
What did the police officer arrest the cow for?
Disudderly conduct.
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce milk?
An udder failure.
Did you hear that they genetically engineered a milk cow to have no teats?
It was udderly pointless.
This milk is udderly delicious.

Cow puns #moo puns

What do cows listen to at parties?
Moo-sic.
What do you call a cow who does magic?
Moo-dini.
What did the cow say to her misbehaving calf?
I am not amoosed by you.
What do you call the feeling that you’ve heard this bull before?
Deja-moo.
What do cows eat for breakfast?
Moosli.
Why do cows wear bells around their necks?
To make beautiful moo-sic.
What do you call a cow with no spots?
A Moo-tant.
What’s a cow’s favorite newspaper?
The Daily Moos.
What’s a cow’s favorite sci-fi TV show?
Dr Moo!
How do you get a cow to keep quiet?
Press the moooote button.
What do you get when you cross an angry sheep and a moody cow?
A baaaaaaad mooooood.
How does a cow become invisible?
Through camooflage.
How do cows say “thank you” for dinner in Spanish?
Moo-chas grass-ias.

What did the cow and bull do for their first date?
Dinner and a moovie.
What do you call a cow stuck in cement?
An immooooovable object.
Why do cows go to New York?
To see the moosicals.
What does a cow watch?
MooTube.
Where do cows go on holiday?
Moo Zealand.
What do you call a cow that can part water?
Moo-ses.
How do cows laugh?
Moo-haha.
What’s a cow’s favorite day of the year?
Moo Years Day.
Why was the cow sad?
She was moody.
Why did the cow get a ticket?
Because of a mooing violation.
Why weren’t the cows in the field?
They Moooooved.
What do you call a cow eating grass?
A Lawn Moo-er
What is a cow’s favorite drink?
Mountain Moo!

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Cow puns #steak

What do you call it when one cow spies on another cow?
A steak out.
What do you call the meat of a female cow?
A missteak.
My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana…
The steaks have never been so high!
Why can’t cows join the police?
Because they refuse to go on steak-outs.
What do you call a cow that never traveled?
Stayk.
Why should you be worried if you see cows smoking marijuana?
Cause that’s when the steaks are highest.
Those aliens that abduct cows must be gamblers.
They’re always raising the steaks.
Did you hear about the two cows who fought to the death?
It was crazy, their lives were at steak.

Cow puns #calfs

Where do cows eat lunch?
In the calfeteria.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth.
De-calf-nated

Cow puns #catle

How do ranchers keep track of all their cows?
They keep a cattle-log.
What do you call a fight between two herds of cows?
A cattle battle.

Cow puns #stock

What do you call cattle that tell jokes?
Laughing stock.
Why doesn’t Sweden export it’s cattle?
It wants to keep its Stockholm.
How does a cow avoid acting rashly?
She takes stock of the situation first.
What did the farmer name his funniest cow?
The Laughing Stock.

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Cow Puns and Cow Jokes

What did the cow confess to his therapist?
“I feel seen but not herd.”
Why did the cow start a fight with his buddy?
There was real beef between them!
Why was the cow so afraid of messing up?
Because the steaks were high.
What happens when a calf gives her mom attitude?
She tans its hide.
Why did the farmer always show up on time for dinner?
If he didn’t, his wife would have a cow.
What does the cow do when she’s got leverage?
Milks it for all it’s worth.
Why couldn’t the cow gain weight?
She was more of a grazer.
How did the bull earn the farmer’s trust?
He said, “Seriously, have I ever steered you wrong?”
Why is it so hard to hurt a cow’s feelings?
They’re skin’s as thick as leather.
My wife left me for an Indian guy.
I know he’s going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
What do you call a cow on crystal meth?
Beef jerky.
Why did the cow jump over the moon?
Because the farmer’s hands were cold.
Why couldn’t the cow learn?
Everything went in one ear and out the udder.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a rooster?
Roost beef.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a dog?
Hound beef.
What did the mother cow say to the baby cow?
It’s pasture bedtime.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lack-tose.
What do you call two ducks and a cow?
Quackers and milk.
What do you call a cow with a twitch?
Beef jerky.

How did the farmer find his lost cow?
He tractor down.
Where do cows get all their medicine?
The farmacy.
Why did the farmer lose the race?
He fell at the curdle.
Why did the astronauts take a box of cereal and a cow with them?
In case they bypassed the milky way!
Why did the cow get a massage?
To re-hoove-inate.
What do you get when you sit under a cow?
A pat on the head.
Why did the secret service surround the president with dozens of cows?
They were trying to beef up security.
How can you tell if a cow is exceptional?
It’s outstanding in its field.
What do you call a cow with one leg shorter than the others?
Lean beef.
The farmer decided to cook the meanest cow he had…
It made excellent jerky!
Two cows are standing in a field…
Cow 1: are you worried about getting mad cow disease?
Cow 2: of course not… I’m not a cow!
What place can you always find suicidal cows at?
Mc Donald’s.
What sound do you hear when a cow breaks the sound barrier?
Cowboom.
It is now legal to park bovines with foot coverings in motorcycle parking spaces.
They’re officially labeled as Cowasockies.
What do you get when you take a bovine and divide its circumference by its diameter?
A cow pi.
What do military cows wear?
CowMooFlage.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Cow says.
Cow says who?
No, silly. Cow says MOOOOOOOO.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting cow, wh-
MOOOOOO!!!!
Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Cow
Cow who?
Cow much longer will it take to open the door?!

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Cow puns about milk

Why are cows always broke?
Someone’s always milking them dry.
It’s so hot outside that my cow started giving powdered milk!
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake!
The milk’s gone bad – it’s enough to milk you sick.
Why did the cow jump over the moon? To get to the milky way!
It is no cow-incidence that milk makes you stronger.
How dair-y steal my milk!
What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
I can’t drink milk; I ‘lactose’ enzymes needed to digest it.
Why don’t cows have any money?
Because farmers milk them dry.
Not liking milk is a cream against nature!
What you do get from a dwarf cow?
… condensed milk.
What kind of milk do you get from a forgetful cow?
Milk of amnesia.
What happens when a cow laughs?
Milk comes out of its nose.
I have a farmer friend who heats his milk products to 212 degrees Fahrenheit using cow chips…
Yep. It’s called pasture-ized milk.
Want to hear a joke a bout milk… no it’s to cheesey.