This is a legen-dairy collection of the best Cow Puns and Cow Jokes to amooose you! Enjoy your favorite cowmedians or jump straight to the specific "cow word".
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Best Cow Puns and Cow Jokes
- What did the cow say to all her friends?
I am legen-dairy.
- How do farmers count their cows?
They use a cowculator.
- What do you get when a cow jumps in a trampoline?
- A cows favorite type of math is cowculus.
- Where did the bull lose all his money?
At the cow-sino.
- Why did the farmer stop telling cow puns?
Because he butchered every joke.
- Why was the cow afraid?
He was a cow-herd.
- What do you call a funny cow?
- Cow telling her family history:
“My grandfather was a knight. He was Sir Loin.”
- I was going to tell you a joke about cows.
But I bet you have herd it.
- What do you call a cow with no legs?
- What did the mother cow say to the baby cow?
It’s pasture bedtime.
- Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
Cow puns #bulls
- What do you call a sleeping bull?
- Why don’t most cows lie?
They can smell bull.
- Why was the farmer mad at his cow?
The excuse she gave was a bunch of bull.
- Why were the two bulls ignoring each other?
They had a lot of beef.
- Animal News Network had to fire its bovine news anchorman
Because it was unrelia-bull.
- Why don’t bulls play archery?
They might hit a bulls-eye.
- What did the bull say to his son when he was going off to school?
Cow puns #udder
- What did the cow say to the other cow on the hill?
I'm udder-neath you.
- Why don't cows understand what you say?
Because it goes in one ear and comes out the udder!
- What did the farmer say when his cow wouldn’t produce milk?
This is udderly problematic!
- What does a farmer talk about when she’s milking a cow?
- What did the Auntie cow say to her niece?
You’re so udderly cute!
- Why did the chicken walk under the cow?
To get to the udder side.
- How did the cow get to Mars?
It flew through udder space.
- “I totally udderstand.”
- Why does a milking stool only have three legs?
Because the cow has the udder.
- Why do cows lie down in the rain?
To keep each udder dry.
- Did you hear about the cow who tried to jump over a barbed wire fence?
It was an udder disaster.
- All the farmers cows stopped producing milk…
It was a case of real udder chaos.
- What do you call a short cow in tall grass?
- What do you call a cow who’s forgotten how to make milk?
- What did the police officer arrest the cow for?
- What do you call a cow that doesn't produce milk?
An udder failure.
- Did you hear that they genetically engineered a milk cow to have no teats?
It was udderly pointless.
- This milk is udderly delicious.
Cow puns #moo puns
- What do cows listen to at parties?
- What do you call a cow who does magic?
- What did the cow say to her misbehaving calf?
I am not amoosed by you.
- What do you call the feeling that you’ve heard this bull before?
- What do cows eat for breakfast?
- Why do cows wear bells around their necks?
To make beautiful moo-sic.
- What do you call a cow with no spots?
- What’s a cow’s favorite newspaper?
The Daily Moos.
- What's a cow's favorite sci-fi TV show?
- How do you get a cow to keep quiet?
Press the moooote button.
- What do you get when you cross an angry sheep and a moody cow?
A baaaaaaad mooooood.
- How does a cow become invisible?
- How do cows say “thank you” for dinner in Spanish?
- What did the cow and bull do for their first date?
Dinner and a moovie.
- What do you call a cow stuck in cement?
An immooooovable object.
- Why do cows go to New York?
To see the moosicals.
- What does a cow watch?
- Where do cows go on holiday?
- What do you call a cow that can part water?
- How do cows laugh?
- What’s a cow’s favorite day of the year?
Moo Years Day.
- Why was the cow sad?
She was moody.
- Why did the cow get a ticket?
Because of a mooing violation.
- Why weren't the cows in the field?
- What do you call a cow eating grass?
A Lawn Moo-er
- What is a cow’s favorite drink?
Cow puns #steak
- What do you call it when one cow spies on another cow?
A steak out.
- What do you call the meat of a female cow?
- My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana…
The steaks have never been so high!
- Why can’t cows join the police?
Because they refuse to go on steak-outs.
- What do you call a cow that never traveled?
- Why should you be worried if you see cows smoking marijuana?
Cause that's when the steaks are highest.
- Those aliens that abduct cows must be gamblers.
They're always raising the steaks.
- Did you hear about the two cows who fought to the death?
It was crazy, their lives were at steak.
Cow puns #calfs
- Where do cows eat lunch?
In the calfeteria.
- What do you call a cow that just gave birth.
Cow puns #catle
- How do ranchers keep track of all their cows?
They keep a cattle-log.
- What do you call a fight between two herds of cows?
A cattle battle.
Cow puns #stock
- What do you call cattle that tell jokes?
- Why doesn’t Sweden export it’s cattle?
It wants to keep its Stockholm.
- How does a cow avoid acting rashly?
She takes stock of the situation first.
- What did the farmer name his funniest cow?
The Laughing Stock.
Cow Puns and Cow Jokes
- What did the cow confess to his therapist?
“I feel seen but not herd.”
- Why did the cow start a fight with his buddy?
There was real beef between them!
- Why was the cow so afraid of messing up?
Because the steaks were high.
- What happens when a calf gives her mom attitude?
She tans its hide.
- Why did the farmer always show up on time for dinner?
If he didn’t, his wife would have a cow.
- What does the cow do when she’s got leverage?
Milks it for all it’s worth.
- Why couldn’t the cow gain weight?
She was more of a grazer.
- How did the bull earn the farmer’s trust?
He said, “Seriously, have I ever steered you wrong?”
- Why is it so hard to hurt a cow’s feelings?
They’re skin’s as thick as leather.
- My wife left me for an Indian guy.
I know he’s going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
- What do you call a cow on crystal meth?
- Why did the cow jump over the moon?
Because the farmer’s hands were cold.
- Why couldn’t the cow learn?
Everything went in one ear and out the udder.
- What do you get when you cross a cow and a rooster?
- What do you get when you cross a cow and a dog?
- What did the mother cow say to the baby cow?
It’s pasture bedtime.
- Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lack-tose.
- What do you call two ducks and a cow?
Quackers and milk.
- What do you call a cow with a twitch?
- How did the farmer find his lost cow?
He tractor down.
- Where do cows get all their medicine?
- Why did the farmer lose the race?
He fell at the curdle.
- Why did the astronauts take a box of cereal and a cow with them?
In case they bypassed the milky way!
- Why did the cow get a massage?
- What do you get when you sit under a cow?
A pat on the head.
- Why did the secret service surround the president with dozens of cows?
They were trying to beef up security.
- How can you tell if a cow is exceptional?
It’s outstanding in its field.
- What do you call a cow with one leg shorter than the others?
- The farmer decided to cook the meanest cow he had...
It made excellent jerky!
- Two cows are standing in a field...
Cow 1: are you worried about getting mad cow disease?
Cow 2: of course not... I’m not a cow!
- What place can you always find suicidal cows at?
- What sound do you hear when a cow breaks the sound barrier?
- It is now legal to park bovines with foot coverings in motorcycle parking spaces.
They’re officially labeled as Cowasockies.
- What do you get when you take a bovine and divide its circumference by its diameter?
A cow pi.
- What do military cows wear?
- Knock knock.
Cow says who?
No, silly. Cow says MOOOOOOOO.
- Knock, knock.
Interrupting cow, wh-
- Knock, Knock
Cow much longer will it take to open the door?!
Read also: 205 Purr-fect Cat Puns
Cow puns about milk
- Why are cows always broke?
Someone’s always milking them dry.
- It's so hot outside that my cow started giving powdered milk!
- What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
- The milk's gone bad - it's enough to milk you sick.
- Why did the cow jump over the moon? To get to the milky way!
- It is no cow-incidence that milk makes you stronger.
- How dair-y steal my milk!
- What do you get from a pampered cow?
- I can't drink milk; I 'lactose' enzymes needed to digest it.
- Why don’t cows have any money?
Because farmers milk them dry.
- Not liking milk is a cream against nature!
- What you do get from a dwarf cow?
... condensed milk.
- What kind of milk do you get from a forgetful cow?
Milk of amnesia.
- What happens when a cow laughs?
Milk comes out of its nose.
- I have a farmer friend who heats his milk products to 212 degrees Fahrenheit using cow chips...
Yep. It's called pasture-ized milk.
- Want to hear a joke a bout milk… no it’s to cheesey.
Cow puns #dairy
- What do you call a feminine cow?
A dairy queen.
- Why was the cow banned from ballet class?
It kept practicing its Dairy Air.
- Where do cow farts come from?
From their dairy air.
- What do cows tell each other at bedtime?
- Did you hear about the famous cow?
They say her milk is Legend Dairy.
- Cow farmers say their job is hard, but...
...I think they're just milking it.
Cow puns #cheese
- What did the cow say to the cheese?
I am your father.
- What do you get when you cross a cow and a smurf?
- What did the cow build it’s house out of?
Continue to: 153 Best Cheese Puns That Are Simply Brie-lliant
Words to make cow puns of
- Coincidence → Cowincidence
- Cowvert (covert)
- Americow can do better.
You can find more words like this here.
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